Helvetic Airways operates a fleet of 22 aircraft, of which most are operated as wet leases on behalf of SWISS. During the summer months the airline operates a few flights under its own flight number – mostly charters from tertiary little airports like Berne to sunspots around the Mediterranean.

Introduction

I’ve just landed in Oslo on an SAS flight from Newark, which was simply dreadful, owing mainly to the rude and indifferent crew. It’s 07h20 by the time the doors open and we’re allowed off the plane. I now have six hours and 45 minutes to kill before my onward connection to Zürich.

Transfer in Oslo

I follow the signs for flight connections until I reach a set of locked sliding doors. There is a sign advising passengers to ring the alarm for assistance. I press the call button, and a female voice comes on the loudspeaker: “yes?”. I tell her I just arrived from the US and will continue to Zürich. “Okay, wait. I’m on my way. How many are you?”. I feel like she’s about to ask me for the password like they used to in the old gangster films. Alas, the process is far less entertaining and a lot more sober than I imagine it in my sleep deprived state… The good news is that I won’t have to go through security again.

The SAS Business Class Lounge Oslo

SWISS still uses the SAS lounge here in Oslo. This early in the morning it’s not particularly full, and I manage to secure a nice, quiet place to sit towards the back, overlooking the check-in counters.

I busy myself answering office emails to keep myself from nodding off to sleep. The time passes surprisingly quickly, and I only nod off a few times and for only a few minutes or so…

SWISS Business Class Boarding

The flight should start boarding at 13h40. At 13h20 I leave the lounge to go on a walk about to avoid another bout of sleep. When I pass my gate at around 13h30, boarding for groups 1 and 2 has already started. Although, just to be clear, ‘boarding’ in the SWISS sense means that we’re allowed into the airbridge to wait while the cleaning crew finish tidying the aircraft for the return.

The SWISS Business Class Cabin

There are eleven rows of Business Class on this flight, for a total of 21 seats. I count fifteen passengers in the forward cabin. It’s a bit strange that there’s a cabin divider on row five and then another at row eleven. It’s also a bit strange that there are only headrest covers on 1A and C and on 2D and F. In any case, I’m seated on 3A, and the seat pitch is good.

SWISS Business Class Service & Crew

There is a bottle of still water and a packaged towel at each seat. Sometimes the crew will place both items on the seats before passengers board, as is the case on this flight. However, sometimes they will hand them out personally, once all passengers are seated.

There are three young females in the cabin. I’m guessing they’re probably not more than 25 years old. They’re a bit awkward in their demeanor, and their service delivery is sloppy.

For example, once boarding is done, the maître de asks Mr 1A if he’d like a cushion, which he gladly accepts. Not wanting to feel left out or underprivileged, Mr 2C pipes up to let her know that he would also like a cushion, to which she replies that she hasn’t any left.

I also wonder what kind of language training they get at Helvetic, because the crew’s announcements in both German and English are abysmal and mostly incomprehensible.

Our flight time is announced as two hours and five minutes.

The SWISS Business Class Meal – Late Lunch

SWISS does not provide printed menus, even though there are two options for the hot meal on today’s flight. One is chicken and polenta, whereas the other is described by the maître de as a Thai curry, even though it’s clearly a creamy paneer dish, which is Indian. It is served with spicy spinach and rice.

The first course is a bit odd. It’s a barley salad with dill and cucumber. It doesn’t taste of anything much, and it’s quite oily.

And then, of course, there’s a plate with two pieces of cheese, which are accompanied by a selection of bread rolls. However, for some reason the crew stop offering bread after the second row, only serving it if requested. I suspect that they probably belatedly realized that they don’t have enough rolls for the entire Business Class cabin.

The dessert is a kind of lemon curd tart, which isn’t bad. The trays are quickly removed. Tea and coffee are not proactively offered and are available only upon request.

The entire service is clumsy and messy. The maître de is determined to serve each meal with the covers off, which is commendable and certainly makes the tray look more appealing. But instead of placing the tray on top of the trolley to do so, she attempts to remove the hot tinfoil with the dishes still in the trolley as though she’s trying to hide something.

The weather en route over Germany is quite nice. However, as we approach Switzerland, it quickly starts clouding up again.

At some point I must nod off, which is unfortunate because that’s when the crew pass through the cabin with the chocolates. Apparently, having your eyes shut disqualifies you from receiving a chocolate and you are simply ignored. I only know they did hand out chocolates because later on, when we disembark, there are empty wrappers on most seats. Would it really have hurt the crew to just leave one on the seat for when I wake up?

Arrival in Zürich

We approach Zürich from the East for an arrival on runway 28, which is unusual for a weekday. We taxi to an open stand by the old Swissair maintenance hangar. The doors open and we disembark onto the ramp, where a dedicated minivan for Business Class passengers is already expecting us.

Conclusion

Flying with Helvetic Airways is always a bit of a hit or miss affair, and this flight was rather a good example of why that is. Their cabin crews tend to be rather young and inexperienced. Presumably because they cost less to employ. While that may be a legitimate selection criterion for the airline, I still think it does not absolve them of training their crews properly, whether it’s in the way they are supposed to interact with passengers or how to make announcements that are remotely comprehensible. There’s an apparent general lack in the consistency of their service delivery. Although, to be fair, I think that is part of a wider issue with SWISS and the Lufthansa group, not just Helvetic Airways.